Be Prepared 2`

Hui Ping.
i never thought that things would turn out this way.
frankly speaking, she has always been such a nice person.
to me, she was another female friends that could really relied on.
the kind of person that i would share my everything, happiness, troubles.
it was really comfortable to be with her.
from the classes we had, to the events we went together, they are all part of my memories.
and i would never want to forget them.
through these happy days, i found myself questioning alone.
i would ask, am i interested in her?
is that just crush, admiration or love? my MJ kakis knew about my struggle then.
they told me, they cant picture us together...and they think that i am just having a crush.
so, i Qns myself AGAIN. do i think of her EVERYDAY? my life cant live without her?
well, sadly the answer was 'NO'. the answers boils down to a conclusion.
i was'nt on the cupid's list. haha. so i THOUGHT the story ends here... ...


... i could still remember it was a wednesday, after our CDS classes. she walked past me.
we both greeted and waved goodbye.
mintues later, i received a SMS. [ Going home ah? Go tog? ].
without much consideration i said okay.
she was waiting for me at the concourse. i was surprised.
we walked to the overhead bridge, and it was drizzling.
believe it or not, i was making a decision then. NOT TO WALK HER HOME.
reason being, i had already told myself not to bother myself with the relationship and regard her as a good friend. i gave an excuse and went back to classes to retrive my belongings that i had forgetten. then it came the SHOCK...

she blogged about that day and wrote "wish you had accompanied me home.....". i struggled a long time and muster my courage asked her if she was refering to me during our conversation in MSN. she said yes. i was in mixed feelings. i am very delighted to have someone appreciating me, because it had been a long time since that last happen. but on the other hand, i had already told myself not to develop this further. SO, what's next?

*running late to help my father...to be continued.
.
.
.maybe i should'nt have gave her the flowers. over the weekends, i thought about it.
i came to a strange decision to gave her flowers. pretty flowers does'nt mean pleasent ending. maybe, the flowers meant more than flowers. i mistook what the flower means, u mistook me.
that probably scared her off. "wow, u shocked me..thanks.." soon came the email from her, and i am shaken. i realise i was too impatient. "let us know each other better..." but we never did.

since the email was sent to me, i had never once asked her out. i don't know how. maybe she WAS waiting for me to ask her out. maybe she got fed up waiting. where's my courage? no idea. maybe i should'nt have done anything. maybe i should had feign ignorance. and let things go its natural course. then, all these would not have happened. why and oh why. i know we would'nt be lovers for sure. but what about friends? we seems to say "let be friends" yet it doesnt happen! now that she has a boyfriend, its more difficult for us to resume back to friends. i don't wanna lose a friend. what can i do? i do not want her to feel like i am still trying to come inbetween them and neither do i want her boyfriend to think that i am up to no good.